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Do you know what you call those who use towels and never wash them, eat meals and never do the dishes, sit in rooms they never clean, and are entertained till they drop? If you have just answered, 『A house guest,』 you」re wrong because I have just described my kids.
——Erma Bombeck
你知道用毛巾卻從來不洗、吃飯卻從不洗碗、待在房裡卻從不打掃房間、情緒低落時還有人逗樂的人怎麼稱呼嗎?如果你的答案是『房客』,那麼你錯了,因為我剛剛描述的是我的孩子。——美國幽默作家厄瑪·邦貝克
Poets have said that the reason to have children is to give yourself immortality. Immortality? Now that I have five children, my only hope is that they are all out of the house before I die.
——Bille Cosby
詩人曾說生孩子是為了讓自己永生不死。永生不死?我有五個孩子,我惟一的希望就是他們能在我死前全部滾出這所房子!
——美國喜劇演員比爾·科斯比
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.
——Phyllis Diller
孩子還在成長時打掃房子就好像雪還沒停就去鏟雪。——美國笑星斐麗斯·迪勒
I」ve got seven kids. The three words you hear most around my house are『 hello』,『goodbye』, and 『I」m pregnant』.
——Dean Martin
我有七個孩子,我家裡最常聽到的三句話是『好啊』、『拜拜』和『我有了』。
——美國搖滾歌手迪安·馬丁
I live in a house with four women. Just shut up and say, Yes, ma」am.
——Tim McGraw
我家有四個女人。我只能閉嘴,說:『是,女士!』——美國鄉村音樂歌手蒂姆·麥格羅有三個千金
My kids」idea of a hard life is to live in a house with only one phone.
——George foreman
我的孩子們覺得過苦日子就是一家人只用一部電話。——世界重量級拳擊冠軍喬治·福爾曼
Asking is the beginning of receiving.Make sure you don」t go to the ocean with a teaspoon. At least take a bucket so the kids won」t laugh at you. ——Jim Rohn
不懂就問,這樣別人纔會接受你。切忌帶著茶匙去海邊,至少拿只水桶吧,這樣孩子們就不會笑話你! ——美國企業家吉姆·羅恩
Don」t tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won」t respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say,『Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.』 ——Joan Rivers
別跟孩子們說你當初是順產,不然他們不會尊重你。多年以來我經常叫醒女兒,說:『梅麗莎,你曾令我痛不欲生。好了,繼續睡吧!』
——美國脫口秀主持人瓊·裡弗斯
(摘自2010年6月《英語廣場·美文》)
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